the first (and only) legit(ish) review of 'the...
i passed the film to a woman i know who’s involved in the vancouver international film festival and she passed it on to some people she knows. i wasn’t expecting it to get to this guy: Robert Ingram, a judge on the VIFF panel and a professor who taught cinema at a university in England. so, i’ll take this as my first legit(ish) review: “I have just...
misery is a shitty tipper
as a server, there is nothing more soul crushing than serving a couple who’s relationship is on the brink of falling apart and the only thing holding them together is eating at restaurants. with that, while they wait for their food and sit there in complete silence looking at everything around them except each other, minutes feel like hours. the longer it takes for their food, the...
my momma vs yo momma
i thought i should write this about my mom because she birthed me 24 years ago tomorrow and she recently told me this story which i thought was funny. so, when i was in elementary school all the way to mid-high school, i used to get bullied a lot because i was scrawny and awkward and barely spoke. this one day, when i was 8, i was waiting for my mom after school at this big round about where...
5 SECONDS OF BEING STUPID
one night i was at home editing a video. i drank two reasonably pricey beers and smoked a quarter of a joint to get me through the never ending mind numbing world of cut watch cut watch cut render. (which seems to be one of my few skills) i decided to have a cigarette out on my balcony to clear my head. i stood up with a cigarette in my mouth and my beer in hand. as i opened the sliding...
mike nesmith's mom
today at work some short fat dude looking like a 90s cartoon and wearing a hawaiian shirt came in and asked to use the bathroom. i said yes. he went in, took a massive shit that severly stunk up everything surrounding the bathroom, walked out, walked straight up to me, told me that the mother of mike nesmith from The Monkees invented white out and then walked out of the restaurant. i stood...
about a week ago, i was at the liquor store at around noon waiting for some friends to buy beer. i noticed that three men at completely separate times walked in wearing “big lebowski” t shirts. i felt as though, maybe if a fourth man wearing a lebowski shirt walked in, a wormhole would’ve been opened to another dimension. perhaps, i would then be face to face with god. o
men: the next generation
yesterday i saw a truck driver, stopped at a red light, make a loud “HEY SWEETIE, WANNA RIDE!?” cat call to a young woman crossing the street. the woman ignored him. the man’s face then changed from being obnoxiously pleased with himself to a face of sadness and self reflection. we live in a different time, my friends.
The Unqualified Man:: Let's Cut The Shit →
clayton, one of the stars of “the acquaintance”, answers an existential question of mine about taking advantage of my youth. give him a follow. theunqualifiedman: “as a 23 year old male both at his aparent creative and sexual peak, am i wasting my life if i go out partying constantly or am i wasting my life if i consistently stay home and work on my creative projects which will...
the texting faggot
right now, i’m typing this to avoid making eye contact with a wasted dude sitting across from me who’s trying to start a fight by narrating my inner dialogue with “look! i’m a fucking faggot texting on my phone to other faggots so they can come suck my faggot dick!” i started laughing because i imagined gay guys thinking that everytime they text with a big grin on...
the angry veteran's big ass sluts
three years ago i worked in some shitty coffee shop (i just realized that last sentence is pretty much my life story right now) the place was open til 10pm and i did the closing shift. i liked the closing shift because the place was empty and i could slack off, blare music, write and watch old movies on the big screen tv. every once in a while a customer would come in, buy a cookie and use our...
the moment that defined my manhood
my dad is my favorite person of all time. him and i have an amazing relationship, especially since i’ve gone through this dramatic shitty period in my life. he’s a true man in every aspect: works hard as an accountant everyday, cooks dinner for his family, drinks a nice scotch, supports everything my sister and i have ever wanted to do, helped us in our times of need, held my...
new short "the acquaintance" announcement
right now i am developing a brand new short film i just finished writing called “THE ACQUAINTANCE” a minimal, philosophical poetic comedy about something all of us struggle with everyday. it will star my long time friend and favorite actor, Nicholas Porteous, http://youtu.be/kFyTaDS1ojQ. we start shooting next weekend. i’m actually legitimately excited about this project....
the decline of civilization
i’m sitting in a mall couch area and i notice that myself and the 8 people surrounding me are on their phones. i begin to feel a serious depression about society. then i notice the old lady sitting next to me doing a sudoku on a newspaper with a pencil. then i felt okay and kept texting. -o
The Essay That Made Me Fail Film School
i recently reflected on an essay i wrote that made me fail film school. i went to film school for a year right after i graded from high school. at that point, i was a cocky 17 year old who just moved out of his parents place and smoked weed constantly. film school was cool, it motivated me as a director and writer which gave me the confidence i have today. i made a few projects which i was proud...
switcheroo: sydney & owen
the other night i was riding the bus home from work in a bad mood and looking forward to taking it out on my girlfriend in silent and passive aggressive rage. theres this little boy with his mom sitting across from me and they were playing “Eye Spy” the little boy announced: “eye spy with my little eye, something that is blue!” his mom looked around the bus and said...
a while ago i got onto a bus and there was one seat available. i noticed that a girl i found to be attractive was walking behind me as we both walked towards the seat. i saw that she had her hands full with grocery bags. i then politely offered her the seat by gesturing it to her and saying “go ahead” she then looked at me as in offense and said, “um…no thanks, i can...
SONG : “TOO MANY PEOPLE” by SOMA HOLIDAY DIRECTED & EDITED BY OWEN ELLIS STARRING SYDNEY GREGOIRE FILMED IN THE VANCOUVER CLUB in the fall, Sydney was asked to model for a clothing store and i was asked to photograph her. so i decided to shoot it at the Vancouver Club because my Grandfather was a member for many years. turns out the photoshoot got cancelled, but we...
MY BRAND NEW VIDEO “GORGASM” THE WORST PORNO YOU WILL EVER SEE IN YOUR WHOLE GOD DAMNED LIFE SFW