EYE SPY
the other night i was riding the bus home from work in a bad mood and looking forward to taking it out on my girlfriend in silent and passive aggressive rage.
theres this little boy with his mom sitting across from me and they were playing “Eye Spy” the little boy announced:
“eye spy with my little eye, something that is blue!”
his mom looked around the bus and said “ummm is it the seats?”
“nOoOo” said the boy.
the mom then looked at me and pointed at my faded indigo denim bag and said:
“that man’s bag?”
“YES!” shouted the boy.
thats when i fucking lost my shit.
i stood up and pointed at him and yelled,
“WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!”
the boy, his mother and the entire bus stopped and stared in horror.
“FIRST OFF, THE BAG IS DENIM FADED INDIGO!”
i then grabbed him by the head and held his little spying eyelids open and yelled,
“SECOND, I GAVE YOU ZERO PERMISSION TO SPY ON MY SHIT! THIS IS MY SHIT! DON’T SPY ON MY SHIT! IT’S MINE! FUCK OFF!”
i held a dramatic pause for a beat and the bus was silent.
i then let go of his head, dramatically swung myself around and plopped back into my seat, clutching onto my faded indigo denim bag.
the bus was silent for the next minute until the boy started crying. his mother was too shocked to do anything as i held a glare on the both of them.
then, an older man sitting next to me slowly and quietly sputtered some words to get my attention,
“hey” he said,
“you know…you are in a public place…this is a bus…we can all spy your bag with any of our little eyes…”
“no, it’s my fucking faded indigo denim bag”
“that may be, but your bag is out in the open, you chose to ride this bus therefore, your bag is public eye spying property. he had every right to spy on your blue bag…”
“he’s right you know” uttered another bus rider.
“that’s bullshit!” i exclaimed.
“hey man, i’m spying your bag right now and theres nothing you can do about it. you could’ve chosen to never ride the bus and nobody would’ve spied it in the first place. you can get off the bus, but it’s too late, we already spied it”
everyone on the bus started knodding at me and expressing how right he is.
“but…i need to ride the bus…”
the man shrugged his shoulders.
i tried to argue, but he was right. i chose to ride that bus and bring my faded indigo denim bag into the public eye spy playing field.
ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS FACEBOOK.
-o
